Raptures of “I” and “ME”

What if I told you that no matter how much you fought for freedom, you’re always under oppression?

Often during drowsy hours and unexpected moments, we all face that one instance where “what is expected of us” and “what we expect of ourselves” stand at odds with each other. Why does that happen?

As I sat with myself today, struggling to write a piece which reflected my thoughts, I realized how almost involuntarily the expectations of others informed my opinions about my creations. So here I was sitting and thinking – “I should write as a social critic” (for I am after all a part of the society) or “I should write about an incident in my life” (which is in a way informed by others) or “Maybe talking about general terms and ideas like pride, love and hatred would be most apt” (because besides everything there is nothing better than discussing abstract ideas coming out of human interactions).

And after hours of struggle and countless sheets of paper, I found out that none of the themes that “I” had shortlisted contained the presence of its author – that is “ME”. “I” constantly worked my way to writer and reflect the contents which “I” received from the world. But, where did “my” voice go?

So, there I was stunned with the most fundamental of all questions in my life – How am “I” anything like “ME” if “I” constantly succumb to abiding by the rules laid down by others and hide “myself” for fear of disapproval?

Isn’t my socially constructed “I” oppressing the creatively formed “ME” so as to destroy the latter? Is it not that “I” oppress “myself” every time “I” make “myself” behave and perform in a particular way to suit an audience?

If such is the case, where are we free with ourselves?

I can only wonder……